Brighten your day with these funny jokes:

America’s

“Mom, is America far away?”

“Shut up and keep swimming.”

Grandfather’s

“Mom, grandpa is bad.”

“Then put it aside and eat only the potatoes.”

The one with the clueless

“Mom, they call me clueless at school.”

“Child, this is not your house.”

There are 10 types of people: those who know binary and those who don’t.

The one with the shoe

“But what are you doing talking with a shoe?”

—Here it says “CONVERSE”.

That of time

—How much does it cost to rent a car?

-It depends on time.

“Okay, let’s say it rains.”

The one with the dumb question

A patient enters a consultation.

“What has brought you here?” —The doctor asks.

“An ambulance, why?”

The one with the explanations

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me, doctor, but I immediately lose my temper and insult everyone.”

“Okay, tell me everything.”

“And what do you think I’m doing, you fool?”

Come on, another doctor

“Looks like your cough is better.”

“Yes, I was practicing all night.”

The one with strawberries

“Where are you going, Antonio?”

“A manure for strawberries.”

“But why don’t you eat them with cream, like everyone else?”

One of doctors

“Doctor, my whole body is covered with hair.” What do I suffer?

“I suffered a little oz.”

I am Juan

A bully of ninety meters and almost one hundred kilos of weight enters the bar, punches the bar and asks in a threatening voice:

-WHO IS JUAN?

A thin and short guy gets up from one of the tables, hurrying his beer, and answers.

—I’m Juan, is something wrong?

The thug grabs Juan, takes him out of the bar and beats him. Juan enters the bar again. Limping With the whole face and shirt stained with blood. Although it hurts to breathe, he is laughing, very weak.

“I’ve fooled that moron,” he says. I am not Juan.

The good joke

The other day your wife told me a joke so good that I laughed out of bed.

The bus

“Well, how much does the bus cost?”

-One euro.

“Well, let them all get off, I’ll keep it!”

The one on the island

“I’d like to live on a desert island.”

-Me too.

-Fuck! We have already started to fill it!

The one with the mule

A man goes through the field with his mule and his dog. The mule, very loaded, can no longer stop and, kneeling down on the ground, about to collapse. The man, more and more annoying and impatient, begins to whip the poor animal with a stick, until the mule catches and says:

—Antonio, so you treat me after all these years in which I have helped you faithfully, without faltering even once until today, that I am already tired and older?

The man is scared and runs away with the dog at his side. They stop almost half a kilometer further, leaning on a tree while trying to catch their breath.

“Fuck,” says the dog, “the scare has often given us the mule when it has begun to speak.”

The steak

-Waiter! This steak has many nerves.

—Normal, it is the first time you eat it.

The squid

“Waiter, put one of the Romanian squids, please.”

“It will be Roman.”

—Irina, honey, tell the asshole where you are from…

The one in the pharmacy

“Well, can I have a box of acetylsalicylic acid, please?”

“Aspirins?”

“Yes, that, I never remember the name.”

The bread

“Give me two loaves of bread, please.” And if it has eggs, two dozen.

And he gave her TWENTY FOUR BREAD BARS.

The exam

“I hope you studied for the exam this time.”

-Of course.

“Tell me about the Third Reich.”

“The one with myrrh?”

The superiority

A man comes to the psychologist’s office and says:

“Doctor, I have a great superiority complex.”

“Let’s see, sit down and we’ll help you.”

“What are you going to help me, dope doctor!”

The Paraguayan

“Hi, I’m Paraguayan and I want to ask for your daughter’s hand to marry her.”

-For what?

-Paraguayan.

The Titanic

The Titanic is sinking and the captain gathers his officers:

“Throw the last boat into the water and go up in order!”

“But my captain, there are still women left on the ship.”

“Yes, man!” To fuck I am now.

The one with the greengrocer

“Do you know how much rent payment for the greengrocer?”

-No, how much?

– EUROS PEPPERS.

The one with the chicks

A man enters an animal shop and says:

“Can I have one hundred chicks?”

After a week he returns and asks for another hundred chicks. The same the following week. Until the owner asks:

“But man, what do you do with chickens, which I sell a hundred every week?”

“Well, I don’t know if I planted them badly or irrigated them a little, but the fact is that they all die to me.”

A man enters the doctor’s office with a duck stuck to his head. The doctor, surprised and scared, exclaims:

“But what happened to him !?”

“I don’t know,” replies the duck, “it all started with a lump in the foot.”